childless man really thinks you should have kids

It’s once again that time of year folks, where our biological clocks become stratospherically importance to this guy.

In a recent address at the Vatican last Wednesday, Pope Francis excoriated couples without kids as he claimed that a self-centered “denial of fatherhood or motherhood” is bad because it “diminishes us, it takes away our humanity.”  He also went after those who dare to be childless and also happen to like animals. “Yes, dogs and cats take the place of children,” the childless man  said, “yes, it’s funny, I understand, but it is the reality.” 

While he lambasted “selfish childless” couples who he claimed were responsible for global low birth rates, social media users were quick to ask about the Vatican’s childcare options. I am not sure they exist, but I doubt they would apply to parents around the world anyway.  The Pope, also curiously omitted how political leaders like US Senator Joe Manchin, who also happens to be Catholic, have stood in the way of universal parental leave in the United States. 

Surely the Pope understands that the global crisis in childcare, which has forced millions of women to leave their jobs, might have been a factor in declining birth rates, but sadly this was also absent from his talking points. But look, I get it, the Pope isn’t the first leader in southern Europe to try to shame women with ageist and sexist talk. After all, back in 2016, Italian women were told by their government on a sexist and ageist media campaign that “Beauty knows no age. Fertility does.” Shockingly, shaming women into having kids by calling them old and ugly did not reap desired results.

Even for women who do want to start a family, many are worried they’ll miss the window to have kids at all because of a never-ending pandemic. A survey found that 42% of millennial women who don’t want kids say that COVID-19 played a significant part in that decision, and that 40% of them report spending their time on “hobbies,” a term I'm personally unfamiliar with. 

A relaxing picture of me relaxing in Hawaii.

Many millennial women have also been fed the lie that they are wasting their “hot years” in quarantine, fueling the idea that women’s bodies have expiration dates. 

This push for parenthood without the social infrastructure to support it doesn’t just hurt women. Men are also feeling pressure to procreate only to find themselves burned by the same patriarchal system that disadvantages women. Most paternity leave in the United States isn’t paid and isn’t taken even when it is. When powerful men like Pete Buttigieg get dragged for taking daddy leave, are we really surprised that most men are afraid to do it too?  

So if the Pope is a subscriber to Airplane Mode, which *ahem, checks notes* may or may not be the case, I have some feedback. Rather than shaming a generation of traumatized debt-burdened millennials for having the financial stability to adopt a French bulldog, but not to start a family use that powerful pulpit to fight for the kind of long overdue social reform that would prepare them for parenthood. Affordable childcare and some sweet parental leave never hurt anybody, right? No one will be mad at you Holy Father if you live up to the promise of a compassionate Pope that earned that Rolling Stone cover! 

Sincerely,

-Our biological clocks