"covid dick" is worse than you think

but that's good news

Throughout this pandemic I’ve covered the myriad ways that gender and masculinity have impacted the way Covid has been handled by world leaders and people alike. And while we know it’s “gay” to enjoy sunsets, we’ve also recently discovered that it’s also might be “gay” to just plain live.

The facts are that men have been less likely to wear masks (even when they’re a Supreme Court Justice sitting next to a person with a chronic illness), practice basic hygiene and have been more likely to violate health and safety recommendations. While men are more likely to die from Covid-19, they are also less likely to get the vaccine. According to the CDC, as of mid-November 2021, there was still a 4 percentage gap between male and female vaccination rates. As I’ve written extensively in my book For the Love of Men, norms around masculinity simply don’t encourage men to be as proactive about their health and it shows. Some will go to great lengths to avoid taking care of themselves, like this one guy in Italy who wore a fake silicon arm (slash male chest half-body suit) to fake getting the vaccine.

Source: Philadelphia Inquirer

But new data might change that. If free beer and free guns couldn’t convince some guys to get the vaccine, maybe a new thing called “Covid dick” will. 

Yes, that is actually what doctors (at least this one interviewed by Business Insider) are calling it. While “Covid dick” sounds like the nickname your friend gave to the scuzzy crypto guy who gave her Omicron, it’s a term used to describe a curious condition where the virus seems to impact the size of genitals. The concept was  recently the focus of an episode of Slate’s “How to do It” podcast where a young man in his 30s says that he lost one inch and a half of penis size after contracting the Covid. The anonymous man told hosts Jessica Stoya and Rich Juzwiak that he experienced "some erectile dysfunction issues" after getting discharged from the hospital, which went away with medical attention. But one side-effect seems to persist. His self-described "above average" penis is visibly more compact due to what his doctors said was "vascular damage." 

While this, no pun intended, seems nuts, this isn’t the first penis-owner who has reported such puzzling symptoms. One study on long Covid conducted by the University College London last summer examined 3,762 participants from different 56 countries and found that reproductive issues can occur for people of all genders. In rare cases, women reported it causes irregular periods, accelerated menopause and a few men reported a shrinkage of the testicles or penis. On the other hand post-Covid erectile dysfunction has been more common and very well-documented. Some research shows that men who got Covid are up to three times more likely to experience erectile dysfunction. 

The most plausible hypothesis for this peculiar after effect is that Covid-19’s cardiovascular effects could impact blood flow to the genitals, making erections more difficult. Slate even talked to a doctor who linked both lingering effects. “When guys get ED, they get a lack of erections for a while, and when that happens they actually do get some shrinkage,” Dr. Charles Welliver, a urologist and Director of Men’s Health at Albany Medical College said. “You can connect these dots.” He recommended genital stretching devices and a helpful exercise I refuse to google called a “penis push-up.” As we know, the coronavirus can linger in our bodies long after the infection (most famously in Aaron Rodger’s toes). The same goes with what’s between our legs. In some cases, doctors have found traces of the virus in men’s genitals even months after they have been infected. Maybe this could be enough to spook guys to get the jab and maybe wash their hands sometimes?

This tweet aged well.

While the news that Covid-19 could impact men’s junk is not particularly cheerful, it could have positive public health campaign potential. Men are already, quite irrationally, overly focussed on their willies, so why not use our very suspect understanding of masculinity for the good of humanity to get more men to protect themselves and others from a deadly disease? 

I don’t usually condone pushing pop science, but this story might be worth spreading widely. We live in a world where very famous athletes and very unqualified podcast hosts are claiming that the vaccine causes male reproductive problems, when there’s far more evidence that it’s the coronavirus that actually does. Public health officials during the Spanish Flu (the off-Broadway performance of the coronavirus) used masculinity to shape prevention messages for men, notably linking proper hygiene to patriotism, I think it would only be fitting for us to become the generation that tied it to their ding-a-ling size.

-Liz