Florida Man Soft Launches Dictatorship Instead of Going to Therapy

He won't mediate and he's making it all our problem.

"I don't like to analyze myself because I might not like what I see." ​-Donald Trump

In a move that surprises absolutely no one, the world’s most under-therapized man, has decided to run for emperor instead of just doing what most men do when they hit a crisis: take up cold plunging and post about it on instagram.

Rather than acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, his issues aren’t caused by a rigged election but rather by his lifelong inability to process rejection, Donald Trump is going all in on his new fitness routine: dismantling democracy.

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While other men join a cross fit gym to avoid dealing with their feelings, Trump is threatening to become king and bulldoze 200 years of democracy instead. Why process emotions when you can just make them everyone else’s problem instead? I guess instead of trying self-care, Trump is trying self-coup? So he’s like halfway there?? Going through the whole process of becoming emperor seems way more complicated than just going to therapy, but idk. He’s really taken the phrase “men will do everything but go to therapy” wayyyy to far.

None of My Emails Are Finding Me Well

It’s honestly fascinating to watch someone so committed to avoiding personal growth that they’d rather plunge the entire country into chaos than be alone with his own thoughts for a single second.

But here’s the thing: People are catching on. Even Joe Rogan, who got his knees for Trump during the campaign and attended the inauguration, is now openly questioning the risks of Trump’s authoritarian fantasies after he threw a gay Venezuelan hair dresser into an El Salvador prison prison for confusing his regular tattoos for gang tattoos. Leaders like Cory Booker (who is currently on his 24th hour of speaking on the Senate floor without eating or even going to the bathroom) are calling for a democracy that works for everyone, not just those who pledge loyalty to one man. It’s becoming clear that Americans from all walks of life are realizing how dangerous it would be to hand the keys back to someone so openly hostile to the very idea of democracy.

The silver lining is that more and more people, including those who once supported Trump, are waking up to the reality that his relentless pursuit of power is not strength; it’s fear. And as more voices speak out, we’re reminded that the American spirit has always been rooted in challenging tyranny, not surrendering to it. I mean look at you!! By subscribing to this newsletter, you’re already making a difference. Sharing facts with your community means you’re influencing the conversation and keeping people informed. Together, we’re stronger than a small group of desperate guys trying to tear down democracy.

Plus, Trump’s desperate attempt to control everything shows just how much he’s losing his grip. Imagine being so insecure that you’d rather turn the entire country into your personal fan club than deal with not being the center of attention. His next term hasn’t even started, and he’s already spiraling over the thought of people moving on. It’s not scary, it’s pathetic. And the more he tries to prove he’s still relevant, the more obvious it becomes that he’s just a guy who can’t handle being forgotten.