Man With Infinite Wealth Generously Offers To Keep It

brave!

Good news! Jeff Bezos has looked into poverty and the problem is actually you.

Jeff Bezos, a man sitting on $270 billion who bought a yacht so large it required a support yacht, who had a historic bridge in the Netherlands temporarily dismantled so his boat could pass through, who then named that boat Koru which means “new beginnings” because nothing says new beginnings like destroying public infrastructure for your hobby, sat down for a softball interview with CNBC yesterday to explain why taxing Jeff Bezos would not help you. He did this from Florida. He did this with confidence, and with a weird new face that is puffy from injections you can’t afford. He did this while being worth $270 billion. With a spaceship that he owns in the background of the shot!! His commitment to being a supervillain is simply unmatched!!

Let's go through it. The first banger was the math. Specifically Jeff Bezos's new and exciting relationship with math, in which redistributing resources, something humans have done for literally the entire duration of human existence, from the first cave to the first civilization to every society that has ever functioned, simply doesn't work. He has done the research. The research was done in Florida. The conclusion is that the cavemen had it wrong and Jeff Bezos has it right.

OKAY INTERESTING NEW DEVELOPMENT.

“You could double the taxes I pay and it’s not going to help that teacher in Queens. I promise you,” he said. The confidence. The audacity. The puffy face. Unreal!!!

Jeff Bezos used math to prove that Jeff Bezos paying more taxes wouldn't help. Adorable. And honestly? I respect the commitment to inventing your own reality. I support a man so committed to his own delusions that he will sit in front of a spaceship he personally owns and explain to the people who built it with their labor why their lives have nothing to do with his money.

But honestly I am less concerned with Jeff Bezos’ new take on math, and more concerned with his mental stability. Because we have to start saying it like it is. There is something genuinely, clinically wrong with a man who sits on piles of money while people die from lack of access to food and medicine and housing and thinks the problem is government spending. It’s literally the year of the cabbage. That is a real thing that is happening. People cannot afford vegetables and are organizing their entire diets around cabbage because it is the last affordable produce standing. And Jeff Bezos is on TV explaining why his infinite amount of money is not the problem. I don't think Jeff Bezos needed a new face, I think he needs a CT scan.

His delusions is are not an economic position he’s defending, it’s a pathology we’re all witnessing. Hoarding resources so far beyond anything you could ever use while other people die from not having enough is not a personality quirk. It is a mental disorder. If he was accumulating lawn chairs, instead of dollars bills, he would be on a show called Hoarders, not CNBC.This is hoarding behavior on a scale so vast we invented a word for the people who do it. We call them billionaires. We should probably call them something else.

Now here is the part of the interview that should make your head actually leave your body. Bezos called billionaire vilification "a distraction" and said politicians are using an "age-old technique of picking a villain and pointing fingers." This man. Who spent the entire interview pointing fingers at the government, at Mayor Mamdani, at public spending inefficiency, at the nurse in Queens' tax burden, at unions, at anyone and anything that wasn't Jeff Bezos. That man would like you to know that pointing fingers is unproductive and solves nothing. GOT IT.

And then, to really cement the mentally unwell allegations, he said Trump is 'a more mature, more disciplined version of himself than in his first term.' I want you to sit with that sentence. This is the same Trump who threatened to inoculate an entire civilization. The same guy who celebrated the recent and violent death of a beloved national treasure. The same guy who dismantled the postal service that Amazon's entire business model depends on. The same Trump who has overseen an economy that has made Jeff Bezos significantly richer while making the nurse in Queens significantly poorer.

Jeff Bezos doesn’t need another yacht, he needs to be medicated.

Here's the truth: Jeff Bezos isn't a visionary or a genius. He's not even a self made man. He is a man who started with more than most people will ever see, built his empire on the backs of people who were documented urinating in bottles because bathroom breaks hurt their productivity metrics, extracted more than any single human being should ever be allowed to extract from a society, and is now sitting in Florida in front of a spaceship he used to send Katy Perry to space for reasons that remain unclear to everyone including probably Katy Perry, explaining to the people he extracted it from why the extraction is not the problem.

Bold promise from a man whose face is currently worth more in injections than the teacher in Queens makes in a year.

New York City Mayor Mamdani has the best response in the smallest amount of words. Only eight of them and they were perfect. 'I know a few teachers in Queens who would beg to differ.' He is one of the most popular politicians in America right now. Jeff Bezos is not. And that my friends, is the only math that matters.

If you need a little boost of hope today, listen to our latest boy problems where I talk about how to whimsymaxx your disapointment!! And please keep sending me your boy problems and I might answer them on the show!! And if you need some competency porn right now, go listen to our interview with Artemis II astronaut Jeremy Hansen’s wife, Catherine Hansen, where she talks about hope and how to survive having the longest long distance relationship in the cosmos!

x Liz