matt rife and fragile manhood

I watched the first five minutes of his comedy special so you don't have to.

I still don’t really know who Matt Rife is, but his comedy special is number one in the US, so we need to have a meeting with ourselves about it.

I got through the first five jokes (I use that term lightly) and all of them were at the expense of women who are abused, women who enjoy crystals, and women who are grandmothers (in that order). “I figured we start the show with domestic violence, the rest of the show should be pretty smooth sailing,” he told the crowd after saying that a waitress with a black eye shouldn’t be in the kitchen because “if she could cook, she wouldn’t have that black eye.”

Why would a comedian whose audience is primarily made up of women, go out of his way to humiliate them in the first five minutes of his show? Maybe it’s because he told Variety that his plan was to intentionally cater to men. “One thing that I wanted to tackle in this special was showing people that despite what you think about me online, I don’t pander my career to women, he told the magazine. “I would argue this special is way more for guys.”

Ok so he wants men to like him. So what? Secure men don’t need to embarrass women to impress men. They can bond with other men without resorting to putting down women who are abused by them.

Guys who feel like they need to prove something, act a bit differently. The research is unanimous, the less secure a man is with his own masculinity, the more hostile he is to women. This phenomenon is explained by a concept called precarious manhood theory. I go in depth on this topic and cite a handful of studies about it in my book, but to put it simply, it’s the idea that a man’s manhood can be taken away at any time. The more a man perceives that his masculinity is on the line, the more he will attempt to regain it by doing things like punching stuff, inflating his height and yes, harassing women. So when I watch Rife parading on stage with jokes that I heard at a frat party in 2003, I don’t see him as a threat, I see is a little boy shouting “pick me!” to a group of men who can’t even be bothered to turn around.

When I see a man indulge in sexism, I always try and think about what he’s insecure about. What is Matt Rife compensating for? Maybe he feels like less of a man because his audience leans so heavily female? Guys, is it gay to be liked by women? Perhaps he’s sick of his looks receiving so much attention, and that he’s trying to make up for the perception of being vain (a trait I guess is only acceptable for women). But maybe a quicker way to mitigate this problem could be to put on a shirt when he’s making PR announcements? I’m just offering suggestions!!

Matt Rife, ProbleMATTic World Tour.

Comedy has long been a space for reflecting on societal norms, and challenging them. Some comedians skillfully use their platform to dissect, challenge, and engage with topics related to gender. Take, for example, the work of comedians like Hannah Gadsby and Ali Wong. Gadsby's groundbreaking show "Nanette" confronted idealized masculinity head-on, highlighting the societal pressures that often lead to a fragile sense of self for many men. Similarly, Wong, in her stand-up specials, offers humorous yet poignant insights into the struggles and expectations placed on men, both by society and themselves.

Other comedians use self-deprecating humor to address their own experiences with masculinity. Whether it's jokes about their inability to express emotions or the absurdity of societal expectations, comedians like Daniel Sloss, Rami Youssef, John Early and Nate Bargatze challenge the stereotype that equates manhood with emotional detachment or toughness. Comedians often use humor as a tool to shine a light on these behaviors, sparking conversations and introspection. Comedy, when wielded thoughtfully, can be a powerful catalyst for change, inviting us to reconsider and redefine what it means to be masculine in a world that's constantly evolving.

But other comedians like Rife, unknowingly become the butt of the joke. By trying to get guys to like him, Rife just exposed how poorly he views himself, and his own gender. I don’t think comedy always has to teach us something. And clearly, that’s not the kind of comedy that Rife is interested in. But by trying to win male approval by being as sexist as possible, he’s just revealed a lot more about himself than he may know or like to share.

They say that comedy serves as a mirror to society, but sometimes it serves as a mirror to the comedian. Whether Rife likes what we now all see, is up to him.