the case for slow healing
failing is a part of recovery
This week I’ve been thinking a lot about recovery and how it is debilitatingly different from we often imagine it to be. I was talking with my friend Monica about having a slip in an addictive pattern in my life and casually said “failing is part of recovery” in the same tone she had just used when asking me to pass her the salt.
It wasn’t the compassion as much as the nonchalance with which she delivered this profound truth about recovery that stunned me. Why was I taking my healing so…seriously? Could being this committed to my own betterment actually make it harder to achieve? Perfectionism was the at the root of so many of my issues and yet here I was putting her in the driver’s seat of my own recovery.
There’s so much more information about mental health that’s available to us whether it’s in the form of mental health apps, therapist influencers or the abundance of TikToks about cold showers (which I refuse to acknowledge). But while the heightened emphasis our culture now places on mental health has been a net positive, it’s also given high-achievers yet another thing to excel at. Morning routines are a terrifying concept to me and still it feels like not having one is akin to not brushing your teeth, which is the only consistent part of my morning!
So in the spirit of chilling out about our mental health as a way to improve our mental health, I wanted to share a short essay from a dear friend of mine Caira Conner. She is not only a famous sports journalist who has published works in The Guardian, The Atlantic and The Cut, but she is also a tremendously incisive writer about her own mental health challenges. That includes her struggles with PTSD in The New York Times and her auto-immune disorders for Buzzfeed and a ton of others places. I’m sharing an essay she wrote about the self-help section at a bookstore that helps me humble myself when I start taking therapy a little too seriously.
Caira is just the best and I encourage you to follow her everywhere. She has a unique ability to take the darkest challenges and turn them into opportunities for comedy and levity. She has sent me some Pulitzer-worthy texts when I’ve been down in the dumps and I feel lucky to have a friend who can take the worst moments in my life and find a way to laugh at myself or life throughout it. I hope you enjoy her essay as much as I do. -LP
A few books someone should write, but no one would read by Caira Conner
I love the self-help – excuse me the PERSONAL GROWTH – section at Barnes & Noble more than I should. The idea that my problems can be divided into chapters and fixed over the course of 26 steps is vastly appealing, absurd as it may be.
It’s not that there’s something bad in believing your situation can be conquered, it’s the tired way in which these ideas are marketed.
The conclusion is always “I made it! And so can you!”
“I finished and now I never have to [Fill In The Blank] – date! exercise! diet! succeed! again EVER.”
Things Are In Between. No One Wants To Hear This.
Zero Copies Sold.
The Mundane Necessity Of Cleaning Your Apartment At Least Once On A Weekend, Sometimes.
Look At All The Things I Am Doing To Manage Biology’s Decision.
The Really Fucking Tedious Process Of Dealing With A Not-Terminal Illness Every Single Day.
My experience is not I Battled, Then Won. It’s I Reluctantly Stopped Drinking And Eating Pizza & Frankly That Still Doesn’t Help Me Feel Amazing All The Time.
It’s I’ll Do All The Things I Said I’ll Do Today, Just As Soon As This Nausea Subsides. Nope, Actually I Won’t.
If you’re a literary agent reading this, call me. I know my mom will buy at least two copies of all aforementioned titles.
This really made my week thank you.
I love this (and you) so stinkin much.