the one where i got naked

well, sorta.

Instead of going outside of our comfort zone, what if we grew its size instead?

I heard about this concept from my superb sister Emilie, who I’ve brought up to you a lot, because she’s the best person I know. She teaches socio-emotional learning to elementary school children, so she’s always up on the latest trends about our feelings, and how to manage them better.

She explained that encouraging kids to grow their comfort zone is a more effective way to ensure that they can face their fears. And if it works on little people, you bet it can work on us.

On a more granular level, this theory means that instead of doing more things that scare us, we focus on reducing what make us feel uneasy in the first place. Practically, this looks like trying something new in very small increments. For example, if you’re scared of approaching people you’re romantically interested in, you might start by giving yourself the challenge to strike up a conversation with a grocery story clerk, or your bus driver. The next phase might be to give a platonic compliment to a stranger. And once you’ve expanded how comfortable you feel talking to new people, that thing that used to scare you, might feel like it’s within reach. It’s like the opposite of exposure therapy, it means working your way up to what terrifies you, so that it doesn’t feel that far off from what’s already feels safe.

For me, growing my comfort zone this year, meant doing something I’ve never done before: getting interviewed in my underwear. Sure, I’ve been delving into increasingly personal topics, especially when it comes to my dating life and my relationships, but this time I was ready to drop more layers not just psychologically, but physically too.

When I was approached by Style Like You, a radical media company built around self-acceptance, I was skeptical. The concept of the video series was terrifying: it’s like strip poker, but for interviews. Every time you get asked a question, you take an article of clothing off, until you’re left in nothing but your undergarments. When I was asked to do it, I hesitated for all the reasons you can probably imagine. I was shy and insecure, but also fearful that this kind of exposure would jeopardize my integrity as a journalist and feminist. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that limiting my body to fit patriarchal expectations of female respectability, is the kind of sexist trap I want all women to be free off. And besides, I’d seen some of my favorite feminist heroes like Lizzo and Janelle Monáe take part in this series, so why couldn’t I?

Photo by Elisa Goodkind for Style Like You.

The morning of the photoshoot, I regretted absolutely everything, but it was too late to reschedule or fake an illness. My tummy was upset, and so was I. I didn’t have to tell the crew that I was nervous, because my stomach announced it for me, with loud growling and rumbling noises. “Can you hear that?” I asked the sound guy, to which he smiled and nodded affirmative. “Maybe we should just wait for it to pass?” he answered. “Oh it won’t,” I quipped, knowing that my IBS wouldn’t miss an opportunity to be the main character.Despite my intestinal sound effects, it was one of the most powerful interviews I’ve ever been apart of. The co-founders of Style Like You Elisa Goodkind and her daughter Lily Mandelbaum are empathetic interviewers and they asked me questions I’ve never been asked before. And because we’d them on the Man Enough podcast, I knew I was in kind hands. Even though I had to nurse an enormous vulnerability hangover the next day, I thoroughly enjoyed getting to share parts of me that I usually keep hidden.

Photo by Elisa Goodkind for Style Like You.

I dare you not to binge all their amazing videos!

How will you grow your comfort zone this year? Tell me one thing you’ll do different or one new small risk you’ll take. I can’t wait to see you expand into more of you.

Love

Liz-