Trump Has More Photos with Epstein Than Most People Have With Their Grandparents
Last weekend I travelled to Tampa and tried to get into Turning Point USA because I thought it’d be funny to troll Charlie Kirk. But I didn’t even make it past the lobby before a dude in a red lanyards spotted me and whispered into his little walkie-talkie like I was a national security threat. Thirty seconds later, I was being escorted out, very politely but sternly. So I stayed in 107 degree weather outside interviewing gen z trump voters as they walked in instead. When you subscribe to this newsletter, just know: you’re funding my prius rental car, copious amounts of watermelon celsius, and enough sweet tart ropes to keep me alive through 14-hour shoot days and one fascist youth conference heatstroke. I could not do this without you!!
Anyway, that’s not even the story.
The story is the total MAGA meltdown happening right now because Trump is being very cagey about the Epstein list. People online who’ve built entire brands screaming about “protecting the children” are suddenly very quiet. And many of them now work in the White House, which is SO FUNNY to me. Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt didn’t even have her cross on when she answered questions about Epstein!! And if you know her, you know that’s basically a confession. Now they’re twisting themselves into pretzels trying to explain why Donald Trump has more photos with Jeffrey Epstein than most people have with their entire extended family.
And honestly? Almost everyone at the MAGA-conference I went to was mad about it. Like, really mad. They seemed confused and betrayed. Multiple people brought up Bill Clinton being on the list too (point taken!! Bill sucks for that too!!), but something about seeing their guy mentioned has them shook. For a group that’s been unfazed by two impeachments, 91 felony counts, and enough civil lawsuits to start a legal-themed streaming network, this one hit different.
It’s like the Epstein story finally cracked something open. Maybe because they’ve been screaming “save the children” for so long that even they can’t ignore how bad it looks when their favorite president keeps popping up in palm beach pics with a known trafficker. The base isn’t united on this one, and for the first time in a while, some of them are actually asking questions
So while we wait for some answers, I went ahead and made a documentary about what I think is happening. And by documentary, I mean a completely unhinged sketch about the White House trying to cover up Epstein. Enjoy!!
And again, thank you for your subscription. It funds this chaos and lets me keep crashing MAGA conferences instead of getting a real job at CNN, where I definitely couldn’t deliver the news in a way that has a real impact. They’re not covering this the way it needs to be covered. Some of them aren’t covering it at all. But I can, because of you. Your support lets me do my own version of journalism. It’s funny, it’s fearless, it’s independent, and it’s not afraid to piss people off. This is what the future of media looks like. It’s not cable. It’s not a billionaire in a boardroom. It’s you.
SO SUS
There are few things more American than cognitive dissonance.