Trump’s Definition of Gender Accidentally Makes All Men Trans (Congrats!)

If we’re being scientific.

I know there are like eighteen weird things that have happened in the last 72h, but I want to focus on one particular one that I cannot stop crashing out about.

Donald Trump’s latest declaration that “there are only two genders” isn’t just offensive, it’s scientifically embarrassing. In his ridiculously long-winded executive order titled “Defending Women From Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government” (because subtlety is dead), he defines "female" as "a person belonging, at conception, to the sex that produces the large reproductive cell," and "male" as "a person belonging, at conception, to the sex that produces the small one." It’s almost impressive how he managed to fit so much wrong into one sentence.

Here’s the reality: all embryos start as female. Biologically, every embryo begins with undifferentiated gonads and phenotypically female structures. That’s why men have nipples! And it’s not just humans; this is true for all mammals. Only later, when hormones like testosterone step in, do male traits develop.

And here’s where Trump’s logic does a perfect faceplant. His definition ties “maleness” to producing sperm. But guess what? No one is born producing sperm. That process doesn’t even kick in until puberty. By his own logic, every single man spends the first chunk of their life as “not male.” In other words, his rigid definition inadvertently makes every man’s journey to maleness a literal transition. Congrats, guys, you’re all trans now.

It gets dumber. Trump’s order assumes sex is as simple as reproductive cells, completely ignoring that sex is determined by a cocktail of chromosomes, hormones, internal and external anatomy, and even brain chemistry. Science is not here for his oversimplified take.

Biology isn’t nearly as simple as Trump’s “male makes sperm, female makes eggs” rule. Take Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, where someone with XY chromosomes, the supposed marker of “maleness,” develops female physical traits because their body doesn’t respond to male hormones. Or babies born with 5-Alpha-Reductase Deficiency, who look female at birth but develop male traits during puberty. And what about men who become infertile due to testicular cancer? By Trump’s definition, does that mean they stop being male? Then there’s the fact that about 1 in 100 babies are born intersex, meaning their anatomy doesn’t fit neatly into “male” or “female” at all. Human nature is messy, nuanced, and full of exceptions, unlike Trump’s oversimplified, outdated rhetoric.

This could almost be funny if it weren’t so deeply harmful. This is the same administration that banned some transgender people from serving in the military, repealed Obama-era non-discrimination health care protections, and actively fought against employment rights for LGBTQ workers. Trump’s legacy isn’t just about enforcing binaries, it’s about erasing anyone who doesn’t fit into them.

Science is clear: sex and gender are way more complex than Trump’s fragile worldview can handle. Biology doesn’t care about executive orders, and it certainly doesn’t bow to the insecurities of a man who spends more time perfecting his spray tan than reading a briefing. For someone so desperate to enforce outdated gender rules, Trump sure loves indulging in some gender-affirming practices of his own. spray tans, coiffed hair, lifts in his shoes, if gender is all about the biology, Donald, then what exactly are you so afraid of?

And let’s not forget: facts don’t care about your feelings. Biology is a spectrum, and no amount of insecure bluster or orange contouring can change that. Maybe the real reason Trump is so triggered by trans people is because they live their truth, and he’s been running from his for decades.