I’m so sorry for what you are going through. And you’re right. I’ve said a million times that America sucks at dealing with grief. I’m a 9/11 survivor, and I watched this country take New York’s grief and turn it into national rage, destructive rage that we are still dealing with the consequences of. The city never got the space to mourn its own tragedy, the country never got to mourn its loss of stability.
The first reaction to American grief is to say something like “Boston Strong” “Dayton Strong” “insert city here Strong” like a dad telling his son to be strong, don’t cry, the same Patriarchy Ryan alluded to in their comments above. I think there is something here on the wider arc and now I’m gonna be thinking about that all day, maybe into the weekend.
Yep. We had to return to work and school less than two weeks after 9/11 and it was touted as a sign of our resilience. Two people from my department alone died of suspected 9/11 related cancers in the past decade (I went to school less than a quarter mile from ground zero)everyone has C-PTSD, and we didn’t get a single second to even process what the fuck had just happened.
It’s so true. It happens in healthcare too. “[Insert patient name here] Strong” and you’re perpetuating a fighter mentality from the get-go where’s some grief needs to be allowed. We live in a culture where we apologizing for crying, even I myself haven’t fully grieved what 2025 could have been
After reading this excellent substack article, it has caused me to wonder if the progressive movement is not as emancipated from the patriarchy as we'd all hoped it to be.
I say this as much of the experiences mentioned, such as living in a world much different to the one you were told and expected to happen, as well as instead of finding or creating an outlet to grieve, it is sadness expressed through rage. These are very similar to how young men who move towards conservatism (and possibly inceldom in some cases) respond to living in the current patriarchy compared to the one that their father's and grandfather's experienced.
Obviously these are two wildly different sides of the spectrum, but maybe not as far apart as we'd like to imagine it being. If we can't takes the steps to grieve, ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to.
the comparison to men becoming incels is really poignant i’d never through about it that way but i think you’re totally right. they can’t access the future their fathers had and put that resentment on women
More than ever, we are faced with the realization that none of our institutions work for us. I think our collective realization during covid that we were TRULY on our own really scarred us in ways we don't fully appreciate. And everything since then has just amplified it. What we need, in a very real way, is community. But beyond that we need to truly, truly have a government that recommits its resources back to the people that pay for them. At a time when wealth disparity is at French Revolution levels and people are working harder and longer for less, something has to give. We need a real reorganization of our priorities.
I empathize with what you are experiencing and apologize on behalf of my generation which is responsible for much of what is causing this grief. The 80's shifted many baby boomers into greedy, selfish individuals, when you scratched the surface, who cared more about their investments then their children's futures. I have witnessed this transition among my peers and when I challenge them they just shrug with the excuse that "every generation has its challenges". Such lack of appreciation for the depth and existential threat of the current challenges, is staggering. I am disgusted by this and am grateful in a personal level that I will never have the anxiety of grandchildren. I am so sorry that we were not able to overcome the self-centred decisions of our peers that have left this mess.
Thank you so much for this. I have been feeling all these sentients for months, for years, and especially the past few days. I also miss my 2015 brain and my 2015 hope. I am your same age (we share a bday) so I so deeply relate to the future we thought we'd have vs the one we're getting.
This post has given my peace but also hope/redirection. Grief can turn into love, collective love may save us. I've been learning how to grieve from a personal loss over the last two years. You're so right that the collective horrors of the world and society cause grief, too. I can now do grief, though. So I can get through this, too. Thank you for sharing.
i’m so sorry for your loss my fellow pisces 💜 i’m so glad it was helpful to remember we can through this together and we don’t have to go about any of it alone
“And too often, our anger is just sadness in armor, a bodyguard for the more vulnerable emotions we don’t know how to share.” This is exactly how I’ve been feeling. I’ve been so mad, but at lunch with my mom after the election I started slowly crying and it’s exactly for this reason. I’m 34—my husband and I have been together since we were 16, so we imagined this future together. Now, undecided on if we want to try to have a child, we face a fully different future knowing that the pivotal next four years are not going to be what we need. I hate that we need to consider if I will have safety through a pregnancy. We (I think is how millennials are all feeling) aren’t young adults anymore with wide-open futures; we’re just legit mid-career adults and this is when our hard work and the future we’ve fought for was really supposed to come to fruition.
The fires in LA are absolutely heartbreaking and devastating. I’m so sorry for everyone experiencing this. The physical, emotional, and financial toll of this is going to be long-lasting. Liz, you are absolutely right that there NEEDS to be space to collectively grieve. It’s the only way those affected will be able to move forward. For so many, we’re already struggling with the lack of the future we’ve been promised, and now to lose everything that they do have, that they’ve worked so hard for, I just can’t imagine. And it’s not imaginary. It’s very real. My heart breaks
Thank you for writing this. I needed these words more than I knew and am certain I will come back to this piece again and again in the coming months/years. Stay safe, Liz. The world needs you.
Oh Liz. This is a very powerful piece. I'm grieving with you and sending comfort. I very much miss 2015. My youngest daughter graduated high school that year. The beginning of the next hope-filled phase of our family's story. It's unbelievable where our world has gotten to since then
Beautiful piece. My parents are Palestinian refugees and my whole life, and though we were safe in Canada there was always an underlying anxiety and pessimism. There was always this cloud of "what's the point, this is all fleeting" we didn't celebrating anything like birthdays or graduations. I downplayed it in my own head as the old immigrants I guess it was an attempt to rationalize it. But I get it now. I understand them more then I did before. This life is cruel. I'm try to be the opposite - and it's a privilege that I can try because my life had so much more peace and stability than theirs. Another tragedy maybe around the corner, but I'm trying to be thankful, and appreciative and celebrate the small milestones of life because I don't know what tomorrow brings.
Thank you Liz, I can't imagine what it's like to be in LA right now. I always think of Mr. Rodgers saying in times of tremendous catastrophe look for the helpers. When it comes down to it we want to help each other, the Internet most of the time tries to turn us against each other but we need each other now more than ever. The institutions have been rendered corrupt, ineffective, or both.
Thank you for having the strength to put into words what I've been feeling as each few months some new catastrophy burries the people, places and dreams I love. I'm from north carolina and used to live in LA.. so the past 6 months have felt even more personal.
Thank you for writing this beautiful, nuanced article that finally does allow people to sit with their grief, and release some of those emotions.
Even for us not in the US, much of this is relevant, in the sense that many of these same issues are at play here, too (notably climate disasters and right-wing governments).
Thinking of you, Liz. Keep writing, keep going, but also feel free to take some time to not “keep going” and just be, and grieve. Much love.
Such beautiful writing, Liz -- especially "anger is just sadness in armor." You give a sharable meaning to the awfulness of the moment, and as Jung said, "Meaning makes many things endurable, perhaps everything." Your longing for a way to grieve collectively calls out for some kind of ritual we can participate in in Los Angeles when the fires are put out and cold devastation threatens to be all we see. Los Angeles is full of creative people experiencing a personal grief. How can we create a meaningful ritual that brings us together of grief and reveals the inevitability, however far off it may seem now, of rebirth?
I feel fortunate living in my insulated world and barely able to imagine what you -- and your neighbors -- are experiencing. It's not likely to get up to freezing where I am today and I'm wishing I could export some of my calm to you.
The widening gap between bachelor, master and doctorate degrees and jobs in the work force. When I was younger, it felt like all that I needed to succeed was a bachelors degree. Now I'm not even sure if me going for my masters degree is enough by the time I obtain it.
I’m so sorry for what you are going through. And you’re right. I’ve said a million times that America sucks at dealing with grief. I’m a 9/11 survivor, and I watched this country take New York’s grief and turn it into national rage, destructive rage that we are still dealing with the consequences of. The city never got the space to mourn its own tragedy, the country never got to mourn its loss of stability.
and here we are.
The first reaction to American grief is to say something like “Boston Strong” “Dayton Strong” “insert city here Strong” like a dad telling his son to be strong, don’t cry, the same Patriarchy Ryan alluded to in their comments above. I think there is something here on the wider arc and now I’m gonna be thinking about that all day, maybe into the weekend.
Yep. We had to return to work and school less than two weeks after 9/11 and it was touted as a sign of our resilience. Two people from my department alone died of suspected 9/11 related cancers in the past decade (I went to school less than a quarter mile from ground zero)everyone has C-PTSD, and we didn’t get a single second to even process what the fuck had just happened.
that is such a great point!
It’s so true. It happens in healthcare too. “[Insert patient name here] Strong” and you’re perpetuating a fighter mentality from the get-go where’s some grief needs to be allowed. We live in a culture where we apologizing for crying, even I myself haven’t fully grieved what 2025 could have been
wow that’s such a great point this country knows how to deal with rage, not trauma 😔
After reading this excellent substack article, it has caused me to wonder if the progressive movement is not as emancipated from the patriarchy as we'd all hoped it to be.
I say this as much of the experiences mentioned, such as living in a world much different to the one you were told and expected to happen, as well as instead of finding or creating an outlet to grieve, it is sadness expressed through rage. These are very similar to how young men who move towards conservatism (and possibly inceldom in some cases) respond to living in the current patriarchy compared to the one that their father's and grandfather's experienced.
Obviously these are two wildly different sides of the spectrum, but maybe not as far apart as we'd like to imagine it being. If we can't takes the steps to grieve, ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to.
the comparison to men becoming incels is really poignant i’d never through about it that way but i think you’re totally right. they can’t access the future their fathers had and put that resentment on women
More than ever, we are faced with the realization that none of our institutions work for us. I think our collective realization during covid that we were TRULY on our own really scarred us in ways we don't fully appreciate. And everything since then has just amplified it. What we need, in a very real way, is community. But beyond that we need to truly, truly have a government that recommits its resources back to the people that pay for them. At a time when wealth disparity is at French Revolution levels and people are working harder and longer for less, something has to give. We need a real reorganization of our priorities.
you put it so well chris. many of us don’t feel the support we desperately need ❤️
I empathize with what you are experiencing and apologize on behalf of my generation which is responsible for much of what is causing this grief. The 80's shifted many baby boomers into greedy, selfish individuals, when you scratched the surface, who cared more about their investments then their children's futures. I have witnessed this transition among my peers and when I challenge them they just shrug with the excuse that "every generation has its challenges". Such lack of appreciation for the depth and existential threat of the current challenges, is staggering. I am disgusted by this and am grateful in a personal level that I will never have the anxiety of grandchildren. I am so sorry that we were not able to overcome the self-centred decisions of our peers that have left this mess.
thank you for this 💛😢 we need inter generational support not shaming! ✨
Thank you so much for this. I have been feeling all these sentients for months, for years, and especially the past few days. I also miss my 2015 brain and my 2015 hope. I am your same age (we share a bday) so I so deeply relate to the future we thought we'd have vs the one we're getting.
This post has given my peace but also hope/redirection. Grief can turn into love, collective love may save us. I've been learning how to grieve from a personal loss over the last two years. You're so right that the collective horrors of the world and society cause grief, too. I can now do grief, though. So I can get through this, too. Thank you for sharing.
i’m so sorry for your loss my fellow pisces 💜 i’m so glad it was helpful to remember we can through this together and we don’t have to go about any of it alone
“And too often, our anger is just sadness in armor, a bodyguard for the more vulnerable emotions we don’t know how to share.” This is exactly how I’ve been feeling. I’ve been so mad, but at lunch with my mom after the election I started slowly crying and it’s exactly for this reason. I’m 34—my husband and I have been together since we were 16, so we imagined this future together. Now, undecided on if we want to try to have a child, we face a fully different future knowing that the pivotal next four years are not going to be what we need. I hate that we need to consider if I will have safety through a pregnancy. We (I think is how millennials are all feeling) aren’t young adults anymore with wide-open futures; we’re just legit mid-career adults and this is when our hard work and the future we’ve fought for was really supposed to come to fruition.
The fires in LA are absolutely heartbreaking and devastating. I’m so sorry for everyone experiencing this. The physical, emotional, and financial toll of this is going to be long-lasting. Liz, you are absolutely right that there NEEDS to be space to collectively grieve. It’s the only way those affected will be able to move forward. For so many, we’re already struggling with the lack of the future we’ve been promised, and now to lose everything that they do have, that they’ve worked so hard for, I just can’t imagine. And it’s not imaginary. It’s very real. My heart breaks
i feel all of this so much ❤️ thank you for sharing
Thank you for writing this. I needed these words more than I knew and am certain I will come back to this piece again and again in the coming months/years. Stay safe, Liz. The world needs you.
thank you ❤️ i’m so glad it helped you
Oh Liz. This is a very powerful piece. I'm grieving with you and sending comfort. I very much miss 2015. My youngest daughter graduated high school that year. The beginning of the next hope-filled phase of our family's story. It's unbelievable where our world has gotten to since then
Beautiful piece. My parents are Palestinian refugees and my whole life, and though we were safe in Canada there was always an underlying anxiety and pessimism. There was always this cloud of "what's the point, this is all fleeting" we didn't celebrating anything like birthdays or graduations. I downplayed it in my own head as the old immigrants I guess it was an attempt to rationalize it. But I get it now. I understand them more then I did before. This life is cruel. I'm try to be the opposite - and it's a privilege that I can try because my life had so much more peace and stability than theirs. Another tragedy maybe around the corner, but I'm trying to be thankful, and appreciative and celebrate the small milestones of life because I don't know what tomorrow brings.
that’s such a beautiful perspective ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your writing, you have such talent expresses things we all feel but fail to say
Thank you Liz, I can't imagine what it's like to be in LA right now. I always think of Mr. Rodgers saying in times of tremendous catastrophe look for the helpers. When it comes down to it we want to help each other, the Internet most of the time tries to turn us against each other but we need each other now more than ever. The institutions have been rendered corrupt, ineffective, or both.
such a good reminder ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for having the strength to put into words what I've been feeling as each few months some new catastrophy burries the people, places and dreams I love. I'm from north carolina and used to live in LA.. so the past 6 months have felt even more personal.
Thank you for writing this beautiful, nuanced article that finally does allow people to sit with their grief, and release some of those emotions.
Even for us not in the US, much of this is relevant, in the sense that many of these same issues are at play here, too (notably climate disasters and right-wing governments).
Thinking of you, Liz. Keep writing, keep going, but also feel free to take some time to not “keep going” and just be, and grieve. Much love.
ah thanks i felt that in heart ❤️ take care too!
Such beautiful writing, Liz -- especially "anger is just sadness in armor." You give a sharable meaning to the awfulness of the moment, and as Jung said, "Meaning makes many things endurable, perhaps everything." Your longing for a way to grieve collectively calls out for some kind of ritual we can participate in in Los Angeles when the fires are put out and cold devastation threatens to be all we see. Los Angeles is full of creative people experiencing a personal grief. How can we create a meaningful ritual that brings us together of grief and reveals the inevitability, however far off it may seem now, of rebirth?
i love this idea so much!! i wish i was better at compartmentalizing and could help organize this
I feel fortunate living in my insulated world and barely able to imagine what you -- and your neighbors -- are experiencing. It's not likely to get up to freezing where I am today and I'm wishing I could export some of my calm to you.
thank you we feel your support and it means a lot ❤️
Wow this piece. Just thank you
❤️❤️❤️
what do you need to grieve?
The widening gap between bachelor, master and doctorate degrees and jobs in the work force. When I was younger, it felt like all that I needed to succeed was a bachelors degree. Now I'm not even sure if me going for my masters degree is enough by the time I obtain it.
i felt the same way about my masters too!