in defense of doing less

Let’s make de-optimizing our lives our own project 2025.

In the words of the great philosopher SZA, “this year cooked me beyond measure.” Heavy on the overcooked. And wow, did it ever. If 2024 were a person, it’d be the ex who dumped you, blocked your number, and still views your instagram story first. Can someone please explain because I’m ready to file a restraining order against the entire year.

I know you’ve seen me go through a lot of difficult and unexpected endings this year, all while navigating your own challenges as well. Through it all, I want you to know that I’ve felt so fortunate to have you by my side. Your support, whether it’s been through a subscription, a public comment, a message (even the ones I legally can’t respond to), has meant more to me than you can possibly imagine. It has carried me through these past few months, and I’m deeply grateful for you.

In this newsletter, I always try to find the lesson, the silver lining, the reason why bad things happen so better things can follow. But this year? I’ve got nothing. I don’t know why we had such a diabolical year. I don’t Elon Musk is cosplaying as our shadow president. I don’t know why AOC was snubbed for a leadership role in favor of a 74-Year-old white guy with cancer. I don’t know why monkeypox is back for absolutely no reason. I don’t know why JoJo Siwa had that rebrand when she was already perfect. I don’t know why any of this is happening!

This year felt like a full-blown circus, so when it came time to think about New Year’s resolutions, I found myself revisiting an essay I wrote about soft-launching gentler goals. I’ve updated it to reflect the current chaos and wanted to share it with you.

Here’s my approach: Instead of obsessing over what new skill to learn, I’m looking at what I can unlearn. Instead of adding more to my life, I’m asking: what can I subtract?

My pitch for 2024? What if we all took a gap year from self-improvement? No elaborate morning routines, no punishing diet plans—just a little more kindness and a lot less pressure. At the very least, let’s stop treating self-betterment like a full-time job.

Photo by Taylor Flowe on Unsplash

Instead of obsessing over what new skill to learn, I’m scanning for what I can unlearn. Instead of adding more to my life, I’m asking: what can I subtract?

Practically speaking, this means approaching our resolutions with efficacious compassion instead of harsh discipline. A great example of this mindset comes from the recovery approach to binge-eating disorder. Instead of fixating on what not to eat, patients are encouraged to focus on adding more of the nourishing foods they already enjoy.

It may seem counterintuitive, but the idea is that ensuring they’re full and satisfied with the “right” foods (for them) naturally reduces the urge to overindulge in less nourishing options. It’s about abundance, not restriction—a subtle shift that leads to a healthier, more sustainable outcome. What if we treated all our goals this way?

So if health is one of your goals for 2024, instead of making a list of what you want to limit, why not center on adding more of the nutritious hearty foods that you already are fond of? Or if working out is a big priority, don’t force yourself to take up a whole new sport that will feel like a chore, choose a way of moving your body that you already enjoy, and plan ways to let yourself do more of it. Rather than adding one more step to your morning routine to boost your productivity, why not shave something off it? I’m sure you’ll be fine if you don’t dump you whole face in ice cold water, and just hang out on your porch sipping a good old cup of coffee with regular cow milk instead (just please for the love of god don’t drink it raw).

If your resolution is to decenter Trump from your life (something I will write more about soon) try focusing on what you’ll add instead. Sure, you can decide to skip The Daily podcast a few mornings a week, but remember to replace it with something that actually brings you pleasure or else you’ll probably end up reverting back to old habits. Maybe it’s meditating or playing an uplifting Spotify playlist that reminds you that life isn’t entirely bleak, or maybe it’s reading or writing purely for fun first thing in the morning. Whatever you decide to do instead of news doom-scrolling, fill that space with something that feels good. And if you get FOMO, remember that the news isn’t going anywhere anyways.

And please don’t turn your well-being into yet another self-improvement project! We’ve been trapped in this endless pressure cooker of self-betterment, bombarded with apps, hacks, and promises of happiness that, let’s be honest, most of us haven’t exactly achieved. The start of a new year only cranks up those feelings of inadequacy, thanks to a culture that’s completely obsessed with optimization.

Has meditating every morning improved my life? Probably. But I can’t help but think that spending the same amount of time playing with a puppy or basking in the sun would have been just as good, if not better.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this: Maybe the best way to find happiness is to stop trying so hard to optimize it. Instead, treat it like a crock pot—set it, forget it, and let it simmer in the background while you actually enjoy your life.

And besides you can have too much of a good thing. While pressure makes diamonds, it also produces volcanic explosions. Volcanoes can be extremely serene and peaceful creatures, but when their magma is too stubborn and thick, gases can no longer escape and the pressure builds up until they furiously explode. Your body works the same way. If you don’t give it opportunities to release that pressure, it’ll find its own way, and trust me, it won’t be pretty. So, let your magma breathe. Instead of adding more constraints or piling on more goals, focus on creating opportunities for release. Give yourself space to decompress, so you’re less likely to explode in ways that might hurt you, or others.

So instead of making a long list of resolutions this year, why not start crossing things off? What can you remove from your life? Is it an unhelpful habit, a draining relationship, or a negative belief you’ve been carrying about yourself? Instead of asking how you can make your life better, try asking how you can make it easier.

Share one thing you’re taking off your plate this year in the comments, and use the space to get inspired by others. Let’s help each other lighten the load.

I had so much fun navigating this chaotic year with you, and I can’t wait to step into a softer, gentler 2025 together. Cheers to less—because sometimes, less really is more. 💛 Let’s make de-optimizing our lives our own project 2025.

Happy New Year

Love

x

Liz-