nfl players can have opinions, unless they're black or kneeling

some important updates from taylor swift's boyfriend's coworker's coach.

There’s so much boy drama to cover this week, it’s hard to know where to start. First there was the world’s least-therapized man casually threatening to ban birth control. Then there was Diddy’s theatrical performance of a man who regrets stuff. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t highlight the real winner of this week’s facepalme d'or, the Chief’s head coach, Andy Reid failing to find anything wrong with a sexist commencement speech you may have heard a couple thousand people shouting about.

When pressed about his player Harrison Butker encouraging women to be “homemakers” and calling gay pride “a deadly sin,” Coach Reid didn’t seem to have a problem with it. “I don’t think (Harrison) was speaking ill of women,” Reid said to reporters. “But he has his opinions, and we all respect that.” He also added the obligatory patriotic spin by saying “Everybody’s got their own opinion; that’s what’s so great about this country. You can share those things, and you work through it. And that’s what guys do.”

But is this really what guys do or is it what some guys are given permission to do?

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

We all remember when Colin Kaepernick kneeled during the national anthem. His quiet, peaceful protest against police brutality and systemic racism turned into a national controversy. Kaepernick wasn’t just criticized—he was demonized. Politicians called him unpatriotic, media outlets branded him a troublemaker, and NFL teams turned their backs on him. His career took a nosedive, all because he dared to stand (or rather, kneel) for what he believed in. Despite being a talented quarterback, he’s remained unsigned since.

Butker's treatment on the other hand, has been remarkably different. His right-wing activism has certainly sparked debate, but it hasn’t jeopardized his career.

Why is it ‘patriotic’ when Butker has opinions, but a threat to national pride when Kaepernick does the same thing? And do Black men in America really have freedom of speech when they’re punished for exercising it? It’s a classic example of a double standard: one man’s protest is another man’s personal expression, and the difference is the color of their skin.

When comparing the NFL’s differing reactions to Kaepernick and Butker, it’s impossible not to see a poignant illustration of how Black masculinity is perceived and systematically reprimanded. While free speech for white men is saluted and protected, speech for Black men is vexing, bothersome and disruptive. This reaction is rooted in long-standing stereotypes that frame Black men as inherently rebellious and dangerous, necessitating control and suppression.

While Harrison Butke’s job seems safe, Colin Kaepernick’s job wasn’t.

As I wrote in For The Love of Men, Black men have been systematically denied the rights and freedoms that white men enjoy. From slavery to Jim Crow laws to contemporary issues of mass incarceration and police violence, Black men have been excluded from the range of benefits that come with being a man. Kaepernick’s ostracism from the NFL is a modern-day manifestation of this. His punishment serves as a warning to other Black men: step out of line, challenge the status quo, and you will face severe consequences. White men get to keep their jobs and provide for their families— Black men, not so much.

For white men like Butker, masculinity includes the right to express controversial views without fear of career-ending repercussions. This form of masculinity is protected and respected, allowing for a broader range of acceptable behavior. Conversely, Black masculinity is often framed within much narrower boundaries. When Black men fully assert themselves, especially in ways that challenge systemic injustices, they are quickly labeled as menacing.

In the end, these contrasting stories about Kaepernick and Butker are about more than just two athletes—they’re about the ongoing struggle for Black men to claim their masculinity in a society that often seeks to deny them. The NFL's take on this sexist commencement speech is a powerful reminder of the work that still needs to be done to achieve not just equality between men and women, but amongst men themselves.

Before I go, I want to remind you that our next live event will be next Sunday June 2nd at 9AMPT-12ET and that we will be joined by Sahaj Kaur Kohli, a licensed therapist and the creator of Brown Girl Therapy! She wrote the critically acclaimed book But What Will People Say?: Navigating Mental Health, Identity, Love, and Family Between Cultures and she will help us come up with strategies to self-regulate in an increasingly chaotic world. Our live events take a lot of work which is why they’re for paid subscribers only. Your contribution is so pivotal and helps pay the rent for zoom and cover the overhead costs of running this community. So please make sure you’re a paid subscriber so that you don’t miss out!