Thank you so very much for this today. I appreciate the nuance you’ve captured and the recognition of the pain of longing for intimate long term relationship while also recognizing the ease and freedom that comes with being a single woman. For those of us with tender, generous, passionate hearts, solitude can be such a beautiful space to pause or recoup energy for ourselves at points in life. But ultimately, when what you desire most is a depth of connection and shared life building in romantic relationship, the cultural minimizing of that desire as if it’s outdated is frustrating and invalidating.
The loneliness epidemic has been brought upon by many forces outside of the average person's control. The erosion of civic institutions, the lack of third spaces, changes in the office, migration to cities, the layout of those cities (being car centered), and decades of neoliberal policies dating back to the days of Reagan and Thatcher are designed to make us more lonely than ever. The pandemic only accelerated conditions that were already there. To use internet parlance: Atomization is a feature, not a bug.
British economist Noorena Hertz covers all this very succinctly in The Lonely Century.
There are so many thinkpieces about loneliness, with all these cool tips and tricks for making friends in your 30's, no one stops to think about why so many people are lonely and have to start from zero in the first place.
Our culture is quite literally designed to keep us all apart. We don't have communities anymore, we have fandoms that revolve around media consumption. Marvel stans are the best example. When Scorsese called the marvel movies theme park rides twitter blew up and got really mad at him, marvel's owned by a company that makes theme parks, that's why disney bought them.
For a lot of people, especially young people, fandom is the only thing that gives them the community they need. It's not an indictment of them, so much as it is the larger cultures for giving them nothing and expecting them to be okay with it.
" The headlines about the rise of single men are about how sad, depressed and lonely they are, and why society should take more responsibility for them"
Do you see these “celibacy” numbers increasing as an exact response to the ENM and open sexuality that has somehow become rampant? As a 49 year old single mom in Portland, OR, the choices are limited even more now by the open marriage.
That “intimacy” you speak of, has conquered wars, famine, & many other things (like covid). I love how you worded this piece.
I’m not religious, & this just so happens to coincide with some of my own beliefs & experiences. When power & control is removed, it is possible to experience the love that most people are seeking in the first place.
Great piece !!!
❤️
Thank you so very much for this today. I appreciate the nuance you’ve captured and the recognition of the pain of longing for intimate long term relationship while also recognizing the ease and freedom that comes with being a single woman. For those of us with tender, generous, passionate hearts, solitude can be such a beautiful space to pause or recoup energy for ourselves at points in life. But ultimately, when what you desire most is a depth of connection and shared life building in romantic relationship, the cultural minimizing of that desire as if it’s outdated is frustrating and invalidating.
The loneliness epidemic has been brought upon by many forces outside of the average person's control. The erosion of civic institutions, the lack of third spaces, changes in the office, migration to cities, the layout of those cities (being car centered), and decades of neoliberal policies dating back to the days of Reagan and Thatcher are designed to make us more lonely than ever. The pandemic only accelerated conditions that were already there. To use internet parlance: Atomization is a feature, not a bug.
British economist Noorena Hertz covers all this very succinctly in The Lonely Century.
There are so many thinkpieces about loneliness, with all these cool tips and tricks for making friends in your 30's, no one stops to think about why so many people are lonely and have to start from zero in the first place.
Our culture is quite literally designed to keep us all apart. We don't have communities anymore, we have fandoms that revolve around media consumption. Marvel stans are the best example. When Scorsese called the marvel movies theme park rides twitter blew up and got really mad at him, marvel's owned by a company that makes theme parks, that's why disney bought them.
For a lot of people, especially young people, fandom is the only thing that gives them the community they need. It's not an indictment of them, so much as it is the larger cultures for giving them nothing and expecting them to be okay with it.
" The headlines about the rise of single men are about how sad, depressed and lonely they are, and why society should take more responsibility for them"
What do they suggest "society" do about it?
Thank you for this!!!!
Love this!
Do you see these “celibacy” numbers increasing as an exact response to the ENM and open sexuality that has somehow become rampant? As a 49 year old single mom in Portland, OR, the choices are limited even more now by the open marriage.
That “intimacy” you speak of, has conquered wars, famine, & many other things (like covid). I love how you worded this piece.
I’m not religious, & this just so happens to coincide with some of my own beliefs & experiences. When power & control is removed, it is possible to experience the love that most people are seeking in the first place.
so glad you enjoyed it drew!