What a brilliant idea. I haven’t had the chance to join the community chats yet, but I hope you do more of them - another brilliant idea!
I wanted to ask you and this community for advice on how to deal with my disappointment in a friend who doesn’t seem too bothered by current world events that impact me greatly. I am very lucky to have a wonderfully supportive community near and far of friends and family who care and support me, but it has been really heartbreaking to feel this let down by a friendship I care deeply about. I’ve tried to explain the extent of the grief with the assumption that they just don’t know, or to educate them about the specific injustice of this ‘growing stain on our collective conscious’ but it doesn’t seem to change much of the dynamic, and they seem more preoccupied about wedding outfits and my weekend plans. Am I expecting too much of them? Do I reconsider the friendship? If so, how? And how can I communicate with someone I love who just won’t listen, or worst, doesn’t care about something so important to me?
Thank you for any advice you may have! I also wanted to say a big thank you for inspiring me to write more in this moment in time, as an Arab woman in NYC with a very hyphenated identity - about the importance of community and care, and how we heal only together. I’m working on a book I feel very excited about already. Mille merci for all you do and the role you have had in encouraging me.
Hi Liz! Long time fan here! Thank you for creating this space for us. I am curious to know what reputable news sources you would recommend? I currently utilize NPR podcasts and The Skimm newsletter. I want to ensure I am taking in relevant and correct news.
America has become increasingly polarized over the past decade. One on hand you have the progressives, and on the other you have the MAGA movement.
These two groups have incompatible values, and they have different visions of what America should be. How will the political landscape change over the next decade or so? Will the political divide shrink, or will it continue to grow?
I’m beyond happy to be here and appreciate you creating this safe space!
I recently went to a bookstore that had a Divine Feminine section that was filled with SO many options of all genres. Fiction, Non Fiction, Historical, Memoirs, Poetry, you name it! I found a few gems but it made me wonder what else is out there.
I would love a list of foundational feminist books that you consider must reads! If I made a list it would probably have Nora Ephron’s I Feel Back About My Neck but im dying to know what you’d recommend!
Is the new obsession with skin care and anti aging the same as the early 2000s obsession with being unobtainably skinny just packaged in a new way…? I am so happy of the progress we have made so now it is not normal for friends to be constantly discussing their “diets” of just eating grape fruit and crackers … but why does it feel like to me everyone’s constant discussion and obsession with expensive skin care products and Botox and fear of aging feel the exact same as that?? Why does it feel like everyone’s just on board with pushing and obsessing over trying to just prevent that most natural thing ever- getting older! That women now are all just stuck in another impossible toxic cycle of trying to be something impossible? How can people preach body positively and in the same sentence discuss spending 100s of dollars on lotions (that research has shown do not prevent aging!). I look around at my peers and so many people I respect… and feel like I’m just so alone in this feeling. Does anyone else feel this way?
And the question I would have actually goes hand in hand with the comment at the top. And it comes with some preamble, so apologies in advance for the wall of context.
I was recently watching an old Q&A (HBomberguy) and one of the questions was about if a person, as a Leftist, and have conservative friends. They gave an answer that’s sat with me for weeks now. To paraphrase their answer, they said that having friends like that is a privilege. If I were a member of a marginalized group, it becomes much harder to justify having friends with views that not only don’t align with, but actively contradict mine. As those views may very directly impact my quality of life.
That answer has even gnawing away at me. As I owe the beginning of my own journey to leftist friends who were patient with me and my bullshit for long enough that I started to see things from their point of views. Over time those little nudges got me here. But at the same time I absolutely feel that they are right about having friends with oppressive views is a point of privilege. And I don’t know where to land on the subject.
With all of that laid out, I’ll narrow it down to a simpler question:
Within our friendships, where do we draw the line between being a window into leftist ideals, and not entertaining potentially oppressive views?
Thank you for creating this community Liz!! A topic that I've been digging into and would love to know what others think is around labels, specifically around mental health, physical health and disabilities. Do labels help or hurt in the long run? In society, especially corporate America, identifying with labels can help provide much needed accommodations. It can also be a career killer. Our systems are not set up to truly honor the unique skills of everyone. Having depression, anxiety, BPD, ADHD, Autism and any disability or chronic illness makes the world an incredibly challenging place to navigate.
Having labels, and the increased number of people talking about them on social media, has helped me understand my own undiagnosed conditions. However, I'm now grabbling with the term "disability" as I'm finding it limiting in many ways (professionally speaking). I'm finding that our systems use the labels to limit potential, not expand it. Disability labels can all too often be viewed as having a deficiency, or deviation from "normal". Something to manage around. If you can even get accommodations approved by the system, which is a mentally and financially taxing process in and of itself, the managers and leaders of companies don't know how to truly support those with disabilities that they employ. They lack the empathy that's required. It's about policy, not people. Compliance, not compassion. For these reasons, many fear being open about their need for accommodation and raw dog it (sorry I just got done watching Shrinking :)) without the support they really need. I'm observing that this is leading to A LOT of burnout. I think there is about to be a big wave of people burning out. Specifically late diagnosed women with neurodivergence and/or chronic health and autoimmune conditions. Thank you pattern recognition skills!
So it got me thinking, are we boxing ourselves in by relying on labels to define not just who we are, but what support we need to show up vulnerably and authentically and illuminate the unique gifts we all possess? Is there a better way?
Hi Dana; not sure if there is better way that non-disabled bosses are gonna accept or when they will stop looking at “reasonable accommodation” as an additional expense, but I know that having that chair Joni Mitchell sat in on the Grammys stage didn’t cost anything extra than that light set behind Tracy and Luke.
For me, it’s about seeing my disability a bit differently … it’s not a cane; it’s a staff and I AM MOSES ;) A fun little essay I wrote recently about Both Sides, Joni and my cane… might be musical entertainment as well…
Thank you for sharing Gerard! I completely agree that it starts with how we view our own disabilities. I like to break systems, so most of my ideas tend to center around how/why the systems were set up the way they were, and how to build awareness for not just what needs to change, but more importantly why. It's good business :)
I am a lawyer, practicing for almost 6 years. I cannot believe the amount of gender bias/discrimination I have experienced. From a mentor joking that people will think my pregnancy was his because we spend time together, to not having an office ready to work in while the newer male attorney had one ready on his first day, to taking credit for my ideas, asking me to write their emails for them, and most recently, being questioned on how I can WFH (1 day a week) with my "parental responsibilities" and being let go when I refused to go full time in office. I'm truly exhausted. And sad. And am becoming pessimistic about any opportunities that sound great because I seem to encounter this everywhere. I've worked for myself, and I can. But I love being with a team.
I am sure in journalism, you've experienced similar issues. What can I do to push through this crap? I am starting to burn out already from feeling like I have to jump through more hoops to prove myself over my male counter parts. :(
Hi Samantha. I work in a male-dominated industry as well, and I can relate to everything you're feeling. I've been harassed, bullied, invalidated and demoted because of my gender. I've found it very helpful to find other women or women's groups in my industry to be in community with. Sharing these stories can be hard and painful but it's been really empowering for me. That's where change is slowly happening for us in our industry (construction). Learning from other women who had the courage to stand up to their bosses/companies, learning what to say, how to fight, and how to build allies and supporters...that's how change is happening for us. Slowly from the top down as well, but building a groundswell from the ground up is slowly breaking our oppressive industry. It's a really tough process though, and I'm so sorry that you're experiencing what you are. The mental load that's required to navigate discrimination on top of your job is not discussed enough!
Thank you for sharing! Construction is definitely rough, my dad owns a construction company and I've had construction Clients. You should have seen one guys face when I suggested they add pregnancy and lactation sections to their Employee Handbook LOL So glad to hear the industry has women's groups banding together! The reminder to join up with these types of groups was so needed! The mental load (perfect description)...is rough.
I've heard that, according to recent polls, minorities are abandoning the Democrats in droves and flocking to Trump. It's both surprising and worrying. Minority voters are an important part of the Democrats' base, and the Democrats need their support if they hope to win in November.
Why do you think this is happening, and what can be done about it?
Hi Liz! Looking forward to sharing circle soon again 🌸 I would love to know how you organise your research and links and facts and notes etc. Do you have a system you can share?
Coucou Liz!
What a brilliant idea. I haven’t had the chance to join the community chats yet, but I hope you do more of them - another brilliant idea!
I wanted to ask you and this community for advice on how to deal with my disappointment in a friend who doesn’t seem too bothered by current world events that impact me greatly. I am very lucky to have a wonderfully supportive community near and far of friends and family who care and support me, but it has been really heartbreaking to feel this let down by a friendship I care deeply about. I’ve tried to explain the extent of the grief with the assumption that they just don’t know, or to educate them about the specific injustice of this ‘growing stain on our collective conscious’ but it doesn’t seem to change much of the dynamic, and they seem more preoccupied about wedding outfits and my weekend plans. Am I expecting too much of them? Do I reconsider the friendship? If so, how? And how can I communicate with someone I love who just won’t listen, or worst, doesn’t care about something so important to me?
Thank you for any advice you may have! I also wanted to say a big thank you for inspiring me to write more in this moment in time, as an Arab woman in NYC with a very hyphenated identity - about the importance of community and care, and how we heal only together. I’m working on a book I feel very excited about already. Mille merci for all you do and the role you have had in encouraging me.
Love,
Faye x
thank you for this brilliant and important question!
Hi Liz! Long time fan here! Thank you for creating this space for us. I am curious to know what reputable news sources you would recommend? I currently utilize NPR podcasts and The Skimm newsletter. I want to ensure I am taking in relevant and correct news.
Thank you!
Roxanne
GREAT Q
I have a question. When will Trumpism and the MAGA movement finally end? What will it take? What do you foresee happening?
America has become increasingly polarized over the past decade. One on hand you have the progressives, and on the other you have the MAGA movement.
These two groups have incompatible values, and they have different visions of what America should be. How will the political landscape change over the next decade or so? Will the political divide shrink, or will it continue to grow?
I’m beyond happy to be here and appreciate you creating this safe space!
I recently went to a bookstore that had a Divine Feminine section that was filled with SO many options of all genres. Fiction, Non Fiction, Historical, Memoirs, Poetry, you name it! I found a few gems but it made me wonder what else is out there.
I would love a list of foundational feminist books that you consider must reads! If I made a list it would probably have Nora Ephron’s I Feel Back About My Neck but im dying to know what you’d recommend!
Thanks & much love!
I'm currently reading All About Love by bell hooks and would suggest that. Also Untamed by Glennon Doyle.
Is the new obsession with skin care and anti aging the same as the early 2000s obsession with being unobtainably skinny just packaged in a new way…? I am so happy of the progress we have made so now it is not normal for friends to be constantly discussing their “diets” of just eating grape fruit and crackers … but why does it feel like to me everyone’s constant discussion and obsession with expensive skin care products and Botox and fear of aging feel the exact same as that?? Why does it feel like everyone’s just on board with pushing and obsessing over trying to just prevent that most natural thing ever- getting older! That women now are all just stuck in another impossible toxic cycle of trying to be something impossible? How can people preach body positively and in the same sentence discuss spending 100s of dollars on lotions (that research has shown do not prevent aging!). I look around at my peers and so many people I respect… and feel like I’m just so alone in this feeling. Does anyone else feel this way?
I think this is a swell idea!
And the question I would have actually goes hand in hand with the comment at the top. And it comes with some preamble, so apologies in advance for the wall of context.
I was recently watching an old Q&A (HBomberguy) and one of the questions was about if a person, as a Leftist, and have conservative friends. They gave an answer that’s sat with me for weeks now. To paraphrase their answer, they said that having friends like that is a privilege. If I were a member of a marginalized group, it becomes much harder to justify having friends with views that not only don’t align with, but actively contradict mine. As those views may very directly impact my quality of life.
That answer has even gnawing away at me. As I owe the beginning of my own journey to leftist friends who were patient with me and my bullshit for long enough that I started to see things from their point of views. Over time those little nudges got me here. But at the same time I absolutely feel that they are right about having friends with oppressive views is a point of privilege. And I don’t know where to land on the subject.
With all of that laid out, I’ll narrow it down to a simpler question:
Within our friendships, where do we draw the line between being a window into leftist ideals, and not entertaining potentially oppressive views?
Thank you for creating this community Liz!! A topic that I've been digging into and would love to know what others think is around labels, specifically around mental health, physical health and disabilities. Do labels help or hurt in the long run? In society, especially corporate America, identifying with labels can help provide much needed accommodations. It can also be a career killer. Our systems are not set up to truly honor the unique skills of everyone. Having depression, anxiety, BPD, ADHD, Autism and any disability or chronic illness makes the world an incredibly challenging place to navigate.
Having labels, and the increased number of people talking about them on social media, has helped me understand my own undiagnosed conditions. However, I'm now grabbling with the term "disability" as I'm finding it limiting in many ways (professionally speaking). I'm finding that our systems use the labels to limit potential, not expand it. Disability labels can all too often be viewed as having a deficiency, or deviation from "normal". Something to manage around. If you can even get accommodations approved by the system, which is a mentally and financially taxing process in and of itself, the managers and leaders of companies don't know how to truly support those with disabilities that they employ. They lack the empathy that's required. It's about policy, not people. Compliance, not compassion. For these reasons, many fear being open about their need for accommodation and raw dog it (sorry I just got done watching Shrinking :)) without the support they really need. I'm observing that this is leading to A LOT of burnout. I think there is about to be a big wave of people burning out. Specifically late diagnosed women with neurodivergence and/or chronic health and autoimmune conditions. Thank you pattern recognition skills!
So it got me thinking, are we boxing ourselves in by relying on labels to define not just who we are, but what support we need to show up vulnerably and authentically and illuminate the unique gifts we all possess? Is there a better way?
Hi Dana; not sure if there is better way that non-disabled bosses are gonna accept or when they will stop looking at “reasonable accommodation” as an additional expense, but I know that having that chair Joni Mitchell sat in on the Grammys stage didn’t cost anything extra than that light set behind Tracy and Luke.
For me, it’s about seeing my disability a bit differently … it’s not a cane; it’s a staff and I AM MOSES ;) A fun little essay I wrote recently about Both Sides, Joni and my cane… might be musical entertainment as well…
A perspective I hope adds to the discussion…
https://open.substack.com/pub/100harmonicas/p/both-sides?r=uw76&utm_medium=ios&utm_campaign=post
Thank you for sharing Gerard! I completely agree that it starts with how we view our own disabilities. I like to break systems, so most of my ideas tend to center around how/why the systems were set up the way they were, and how to build awareness for not just what needs to change, but more importantly why. It's good business :)
Hey Liz,
I am a lawyer, practicing for almost 6 years. I cannot believe the amount of gender bias/discrimination I have experienced. From a mentor joking that people will think my pregnancy was his because we spend time together, to not having an office ready to work in while the newer male attorney had one ready on his first day, to taking credit for my ideas, asking me to write their emails for them, and most recently, being questioned on how I can WFH (1 day a week) with my "parental responsibilities" and being let go when I refused to go full time in office. I'm truly exhausted. And sad. And am becoming pessimistic about any opportunities that sound great because I seem to encounter this everywhere. I've worked for myself, and I can. But I love being with a team.
I am sure in journalism, you've experienced similar issues. What can I do to push through this crap? I am starting to burn out already from feeling like I have to jump through more hoops to prove myself over my male counter parts. :(
@femmeesq for most recent termination story
Hi Samantha. I work in a male-dominated industry as well, and I can relate to everything you're feeling. I've been harassed, bullied, invalidated and demoted because of my gender. I've found it very helpful to find other women or women's groups in my industry to be in community with. Sharing these stories can be hard and painful but it's been really empowering for me. That's where change is slowly happening for us in our industry (construction). Learning from other women who had the courage to stand up to their bosses/companies, learning what to say, how to fight, and how to build allies and supporters...that's how change is happening for us. Slowly from the top down as well, but building a groundswell from the ground up is slowly breaking our oppressive industry. It's a really tough process though, and I'm so sorry that you're experiencing what you are. The mental load that's required to navigate discrimination on top of your job is not discussed enough!
Thank you for sharing! Construction is definitely rough, my dad owns a construction company and I've had construction Clients. You should have seen one guys face when I suggested they add pregnancy and lactation sections to their Employee Handbook LOL So glad to hear the industry has women's groups banding together! The reminder to join up with these types of groups was so needed! The mental load (perfect description)...is rough.
Hey Liz,
I've heard that, according to recent polls, minorities are abandoning the Democrats in droves and flocking to Trump. It's both surprising and worrying. Minority voters are an important part of the Democrats' base, and the Democrats need their support if they hope to win in November.
Why do you think this is happening, and what can be done about it?
Of all the places you’ve lived, where did you feel the happiest?
Hi Liz! Looking forward to sharing circle soon again 🌸 I would love to know how you organise your research and links and facts and notes etc. Do you have a system you can share?