best of airplane mode

my favorite part of this year was you.

As we approach the end of the year, and enter our softer era, why not skip new lessons, and instead, reflect and remember the ones we’ve already learned? We came up with a lot of solutions together this year, and I wanted to take a moment to highlight them.

But focussing on solutions, has never been a popular movement. Bad news sells more clicks, and that’s why most journalists have to follow “if it bleeds, it leads,” and position their reporting around what’s wrong with the world. But I refuse to obey a business model that prioritizes profits, over your mental health. When I created Airplane Mode three years ago, it was because I believed we could create a business model for solution-based journalism and prove everyone else wrong. I think it’s possible to discuss current events without making people feel worse about themselves, or the world. I became a journalist because I wanted things to change, not because I wanted to make some media exec rich off your pain. And that’s why I’m so grateful for Airplane Mode and what you’ve turned it into.

And while I love running our community, being an independent journalist is no cakewalk. My job doesn’t come with a union, job security, health care, benefits or free kind bars. It also doesn’t come with a legal department, so when I receive threats for reporting on stories that powerful people don’t want me to publish, I have to pay expensive legal fees just to continue doing my work. For instance, just last year, Rudy Giuliani’s fixer (known for his sexist treatment of witnesses and kicking homeless people out of their shelters) used intimidation tactics against me with fallacious claims that totaled thousands in legal fees just to defend myself, even though the complaint had no merit (if you want to know how that story ends you can watch my film not so special when it comes out). As an independent journalist, I also don’t have sicks days, paid vacation or weekends off. I don’t have a copy editor, a fact checker or a managing editor to help guide and protect me. And that’s why your subscriptions are so important. They directly fund the infrastructure that allows me to remain independent and committed to our goal of solutions-based journalism. It doesn’t just go to paying for the physical equipment that allows me to write and publish stories, it also goes to paying lawyers, advisors and many other costs that go into making these stories for you. Your subscriptions are the reason that there’s no corporate entity deciding what we talk or think about, and I desperately want to keep it that way.

So I want you to know that every single penny that you spend on your subscription, is going directly to supporting my work, and to helping me pay the price of being an independent journalist. And if money is ever a barrier, please reach out because I’m happy to provide support and free subscriptions to those in need. I only believe in creating spaces where all are welcome, so I would never want finances to be the reason that anyone feels left out.

And while running our community is not easy, what makes it all worth it, is you.

I think about how incredible you are all the time, so I wanted to make sure you knew that too, by looking back at our best moments. When I think about what has made a challenging year, so much better, it’s you. When I’ve felt distressed about the world and hopeless about our future, I’ve come back to the community that we created, and the invaluable lessons we’ve learned together. I wanted to look back at our biggest learnings of 2023, so that we can remember how wise we are, and have gratitude for ourselves as we go into go into 2024!

1-Everything is waiting for you

In my personal favorite essay of the year, I take inspiration from a poem that I come back to when I feel defeated and alone. If you can read David Whyte’s poetry without open mouth sobbing, I commend you. I was going through a lot of emotional turmoil at the beginning of last year and was feeling like I had failed myself and those around me. When I go through a rough time, I tend to isolate, but writing this piece helped me cope and process the pain of the experience. So thanks for being a safe place for me to land :) The piece became a meditation on how we’re always surrounded, even when we fail to notice that we are. It’s a reminder to quiet the voices inside our heads so that we can actually listen to the ones that have been with us all along.

Your great mistake is to act the drama as if you were alone.

As if life were a progressive and cunning crime with no witness to the tiny hidden transgressions.

To feel abandoned is to deny the intimacy of your surroundings.

Surely, even you, at times, have felt the grand array; the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding out your solo voice. You must note the way the soap dish enables you, or the window latch grants you freedom.

Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.

The stairs are your mentor of things to come, the doors have always been there to frighten you and invite you, and the tiny speaker in the phone is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into the conversation. The kettle is singing even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots have left their arrogant aloofness and seen the good in you at last. All the birds and creatures of the world are unutterably themselves. Everything is waiting for you.

-David Whyte

2-Let them lose you

Heartbreak is one of the most universal and collective human experiences, and yet when we go through it, we often attribute it to a personal failing. And while we are biologically wired to avoid separation, when we look back at our lives, heartbreak often precedes mass transformation. As I wrote, in let them lose you, even if we resist starting over, nature often demands it, and enjoys it.

“But even hiding in the word breakup, is a vision for hope. I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that the word we use to signify the end of a relationship, also contains the word “up” in it. And when we use it as a verb, it becomes two separate words. There’s a reason we say “we broke up,” and not “we broke down.” Nestled in that distinction is a rugged optimism that separating from the old, doesn’t just imply the start of something new, but the promise of something better. A breakdown is a downward spiral, whereas a breakup, if done right, is an opportunity for elevation and genuine growth.”

3-Prepare for your joy like you would prepare for a hurricane

When we go through hard times, it can harden us. Because our brains love us, they are primed to scan us for future danger more than future happiness. This is why preparing for joy requires just as much attention and work, because if we leave our minds to auto-pilot, they’re going to narrow in on our past losses, more than our potential future wins. As I remind us in you deserve a spring, working towards our dreams takes energy, but receiving them, requires even more.

Our brains love to convince us that if we’re not ruthlessly grasping for our goals, they will slip away from us, or that if we rest, we will lose them. But I’m here to remind you that in order to get all the beauty coming your way, you also need to prepare for the energy it will take to receive it. You may have spent your winter tirelessly generating and producing. But in order for your arms to handle the weight of all the fruits of your labor coming your way, they can’t already be full. Ask yourself, if the amazing thing that you desire were to miraculously appear, would there even be space for it for now?

4-Don’t let others tell you about yourself

One of the easiest lessons to forget, is to remember who you are. In the charged political environment that we’ve been in this year, it’s been even more challenging to stay true to ourselves, no matter how others may feel about it. I know I was struggling a lot in my relationships this year, so I wrote about how to navigate difficult times without losing connection to ourselves or our loved ones. One of the tips I recommend, is to take an inventory of your horizontal vs vertical relationships, and to make sure that you’re nurturing as much equality as possible in them.

The more you put people on pedestals, the more likely you are to give away your power, and the more susceptible you’ll become to confusing other people’s beliefs as your own. Placing someone higher than they deserve to be, requires putting yourself lower than you deserve to be. A good hack to knock someone off their pedestal is to make a list of all the times they were wrong or that they missed the mark. They’re human too! Keep that list handy when your brain forgets and starts idealizing them again. You may also need to limit the time you spend with people who enjoy or perpetuate this kind of dynamic. If you’re going to revere someone in your life, it should be you!

5-You don’t have to understand everything

Girl math is dating a guy, but only for his potential. At least, that’s what a lot of us do, regardless of our gender or who we love! In this essay I talk about the importance of letting go of the why…all the reasons someone treated you the way that they did. Intellectualizing our pain may feel good in the moment, but it’s only a way to keep our healing at bay. Many of us confused comfort with connection, and learning to tell the difference goes such a long way in our collective healing.

If you grew up in ideal circumstances where your parents were available and self-regulating, those words are synonymous. Connection was easy and safe, and those are the relationships you’ll attract and gravitate towards. However, if your childhood wasn’t a walk in the park, you might find yourself seeking comfort instead of connection. And where it gets tricky, is that you may not be able to tell them apart and your interpretation of what is safe, could be distorted. If you often find yourself falling for the “wrong people” or in the same toxic patterns at work, you might have a faulty safety ticker. What feels good to you might actually be precarious, and what feels uneasy or even distressing to you, is what might actually be healthy. If you identify with any of this, it’s an excruciatingly painful experience, but there is hope for change.

6-Bad communication is assuming you already know

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”-George Bernard Shaw

I’ve been avoiding conflict before it was cool. Since I can remember, I’ve found all kinds of ways to tip toe around uncomfortable conversations like a robber in a 90s movie doing acrobatics to avoid those colorful alarm lasers. I know a lot people struggle with this too, so that’s why I wanted to work on a piece to help us overcome the ickiness of disagreement so that we become better communicators and continue to be civically engaged, even when we disagree.

There’s so many more lessons that we’ve learned here at Airplane Mode, but these were the ones that I needed to remember the most as we enter this new year together, more connected and stronger than ever. Thanks for being part of our community and please let me know what you’d like to see more of in 2024!

I hope you have the most precious and beautiful new year.

Love

Liz-